Saturday, October 8, 2011

Back to complainin'

But this time, I'll try to do it like an easterner. (I dunno, though, what's that supposed to sound like? Seinfeld?)


So maybe it's just me, but do people just not give a crap about sirens out here? GOOD LORD people! In an hour you can hear about 10 siren-y vehicles driving past... screaming their various little harmony-free, three-note songs as they carreen from intersection to intersection and come to a bristling, if festively lit, stop. I mean, I realize general Colorado-y traffic laws are right out the window but still, you know?

Ambulance? Wee-woo wee-woo doesn't cut it for you? You're going to make that poor driver fold in an aggressive sounding bloop-bloop? Still no good? On your phone you say? Well then have a butt-full of "MYARRRRRR" and see how that tastes. Good grief, kids. Seriously. And that's an ambulance with probably nobody in it and just on the way to like, a diabetes call or something. So you know, that's not the "someone's dying" orchestra.

Firetrucks are an entirely different symphony of jazzy little swears, BONK-BONK sounds, and the almost trifling undercurrent of a-woooooo, a-woooooo.

And has anyone considered getting cops to emergency situations in anything BUT a cop car? Because here, those vehicles seem to get the special "heh-heh riiiight" treatment. Like, the cop almost has to get out of his vehicle with a crowbar to get people to shuffle politely out of the way.


Now don't get me wrong, I live in a great neighborhood that's actually very quiet and subdued. We just happen to be in earshot of every emergency vehicle in the zipcode because about two of their whatever vehicular depositories are nearby. You know, like a busbarn for firetrucks but not a fully funded fire station? Something like that. The, um... emergency vehicle "pastures" are juuuust over there, see. So everytime they get called to duty it's kindof an "oh there they go again" kinda deal for everyone within about eight blocks.

Big city blocks too. Not like those mamby-pamby mountain-people blocks I'm used to. (pardon me while I sob quietly and mourn my sweet, beloved mamby-pamby mountain-people blocks.) *sniff*

okay, where was I?

Oh right, and remember how I pissed humanity right the hell off when I ran a red light recently? I mean... hypothetically speaking... just in case my mom reads this one.

Yeah, well, that AAA driving school gig that I attended appears to be from an entirely different manual from what people get out here. I imagine every page contains the words: "kill! Kill! KILL!" or something with lots of diagrams and pie charts justifying personal entitlement against, say, the needs of others who might have the bad taste to also be on the same road.

Not that it's that bad, here particularly, but the closer we get to the old stuff - the historical stuff and the brass-plate kind of stuff that people take their pictures in front of - the worse it gets.

To be fair, I'm not from here. And like the old joke implies where the man calls his wife and the wife says "darling! be careful! there's some idiot out there going the wrong way on the highway!" and he replies by telling her "one? there's HUNDREDS!"... yeah, it's probably just me.

Because let's be honest. I've been here for let's just say a few weeks now and I am starting to fit in about as well as a proctologist's endoscope fits up a person's tailpipe. Which is to say; I fit, and I'm certainly well designed for my location, but nobody is happy about it.

In other news, curtains went up today in the office and our bedroom and they're DARLING! Also we went food shopping for munchies for a movie night we're going to host tomorrow night.

Oh, and I have a beer at my side, so it can't be all bad.

No comments: