Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Best Grocery Store Trip EVER!

First post in January? pooh. Well, let me tell you about today.

Today is the day my beloved husband turns 35. Which means, if you remember, that I do too. Not because we share the same birthday but because my mother always said I'd marry a younger man and since I'm actually six months older than him and I can't stand to have her be right on this one, I say that I don't get older until he does. So there, mom. Nyeah.

So yeah, I made him a cake today. Lemon poppy seed with a whippy kind of lemon curd filling and little sprinkle stars on top. Simple this year. Good and simple. And then I thought about dinner. And I thought, "you know what that main squeeze of yours likes for dinner?" and I responded, "Yeah!" and then I said "He likes a big fat salad with all the trimmings for dinner" and I responded "Yeah!" and then I looked at the fridge and was like... booh. Off to the store I go.

So you already know what happens to me when I do mundane things. I either freak out and panic and get all panic-attack-y and start gnawing on the other customers or something - OR I have some perfectly normally mundane experience involving neither braying like a donkey, peeing my pants or swearing at the joghurt display.

So you already know what happens to me. Today, door three happened to me. This is what happens when I go out in public with my brand new little Thor's hammer necklace on. What happens is... is I meet a god.

This is one of those times when the short version just won't cut it. No sir.

So I'm out there, it's like 50 degrees or some kind of nonsense, so I'm dressed kinda lightly and haven't zipped up my jacket or everything and my little Mjollnir can just kinda' hang out and smile and wave at everyone like normal.

Well. I needed salad fixings right? So I'm in the produce section and I SHIT YOU NOT this really tall kinda' good lookin' guy is there. And he's standing all upright and stiff-like... and his hair is all kinda' cropped short and otherwise he looks just like a normal dude buying peppers right?

So he turns around, and DUH I'm kinda' still looking at him and he's like "Oh hello there" like he knew me and I was like WHUNGH? He glanced at my hammer and winked at me and turned around to face me and I SHIT YOU NOT he only had one arm.

And then I died.

So after like, eight million years of me standing there with a handfull of redleaf lettuce in my hand... I nodded my head and said "how do you do?" right? Like some kind of old person, right? but he just pursed his lips, closed his eyes and did that nod thing that guys do when they know that you know something but you're both deciding to keep it a secret.

I was REALLY floundering for something practical, nay, tactical to say at this point - because really? What the hell do you say? So I just said nothing and he went over to the fruit and picked up one of those neon-colored golden delicious apples and he said "hang in there".

He put it in his basket and just walked away. I said "thank you" quietly under my breath and sort of curtseyed a little as he turned away and I'm sure my eyebrows were raised clear up to the tippy top of my crainium by then and the lady next to me nudged me and asked "what was that all about?" and I was like "long story!"

And so, my dearest gentle readers, my darling minions, that is the story of how I bumped into Tyr at the grocery store. Apparently, he likes green peppers.

It was one hell of a moment and to anyone else it probably looked like one hell of a flirt-down but I have to tell you... it was nothing of the sort. He wasn't in the rest of the store - not that I went looking for him because EGAD what would I say then other than to grip his hems and weep with gratitude - but I noticed that he was very decidedly NOT THERE when I continued my starstruck shopping trip. You know? Like he was THERE before and then he just wasn't anywhere.

Hell of a thing that.

And you can almost see the sparks flying out of my fingertips right now, my fingertips my ears, my toes - I'm just all bright and twinkly with .... you know... the kind of happy you get when you just bump into someone that most people read about as a third-circle character in comparative mythology textbooks; and then, you know, he winks at you.

Blargh. For I am ded.

But I'm too happy to be ded.

Best. Trip. EVER.

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