Tuesday, August 26, 2008


Holy shit you guys, I am so sick today.

Like, the kind of sickness of long ago elementary school days - where colds wrecked everything useful from your bellybutton up including your balance, your ability to lace complete sentences together and your habit of breathing quietly to yourself for hours on end.

Have you ever woken up at 2 in the morning and felt fine, and then tilted your head 0.00001236 degrees and suddenly your reliable old sinus cavity decided to turn into a relentless aquifer of horrible, horrible proportions? and then you notice that your neck, no wait, it's your throat... near that part where your voice can kind of feel the tickle but not quite reach it.... yeah, you notice that that whole area is all kinda raw and meaty? and then you get that itchy sensation in your eardrums? and then your lip does that little "oh shit" thing and you realize that if you don't go get a kleenex right goddam now that your whole pillow is going to be a biohazard zone?

yeah. and then you get up, groggily take care of your ghoulish new business, and then carefully review every interaction you've had with people over the last 6 days and you pick the most likely, most disease-ridden candidate you can think of, and then you just start hating them with the fire of a thousand suns?

Oh. Boy.

Well, now, in daylight, I'm grateful (???) to be in a position to keep my ghoulishly oozing self to myself and not have to go to any interviews. My sleep-deprived swollen sinuses and the black eyes they've bestowed upon me would make none too good of an impression, methinks. My bright red nose is down to it's last layer of skin. My lips are cracked, and I smell like spoiled cat food. well, probably. I think I smell like that because kitty doesn't want anything to do with me and I can't smell anything anyway so that's what I'm guessing.

I know I know, lots of honey lemon tea, lots of rest... snooze in the sunshine - blah blah blah.
I will survive. After all, this isn't a "man cold". Gods help us if one of those ever does strike this home though. The main squeeze had a scratchy throat this morning, but he's the kinda guy who doesn't get viruses or germs or bugs. They get him. He'll be unhappy for a little while but I've never seen him in roughly 12 years be any sicker than a light sniffle and a gentle kiss of fever.

When viruses strike the main squeeze, he takes 'em to the lab and does experiments on them until they relent. He takes 'em out back and strangles them, kicks them in then nuts, and then insults their sisters' honor. Viruses don't like my main squeeze. That's why they find me so comfy I guess.

Still no word on the new temp job. They're still reviewing my paperwork and I'm still oozing pure evil out of my head. Also still no news about the babies - but in my condition I won't get to go see them for quite a spell anyway so I'm okay with that too. I'm still guessing that they'll be born on the 28th, so if I can beat this damned cold in the next 24 hours-ish maybe I won't be riddled with contagion when it's time to go play "pass the football" with the little ones.

oops. out of tea. Have a great, healthy day and get some fresh air!

No comments: