Monday, August 5, 2013

Where I have been

Heh, where haven't I been?

The answer to Where I have Been is largely the same as you'd expect.  Here.  I've been here.  Mostly.  It would appear that I sort of had to fall off the planet there for about a month but as you can see I'm now clawing my way back.

In the last month, it would appear, I did something marvelous.  By all accounts and standards, and according to several government agencies, I turned 37 years old.  How 'bout 'dem apples, eh?  I don't dye my hair and I love that the new texture of my "grownup" silvers is a little thicker than my babysoft whispy foof hair that I've been used to for so long now.  I'm healthy, so far as I can rightly prove anyway.  I don't really work out but the exercise I do get is keeping me at the same weight I've been hovering around for about ten years.  My BMI is in the healthy range but I'd like to take it one or two steps down toward REALLY healthy.    I'm happy with my strength, my shape, my ability to see and hear and reach and laugh and largely I am, as most people would probably tell you, a happy person.

So that's great.

You might expect a big fat POOR ME episode around birthday season but the truth is that my absence had nothing to do with that.  I got older, so YAY!  My beloved husband and I went to a super nice Tappas dinner downtown and I wore a dress and everything.

Other stuff happened over the month too.  I got a lot of tidying up done on my next book.  I got a lot of actual work done at a place of employment which is happy to compensate me with actual legal tender for my efforts.

I went places, did things, saw stuff and was generally quite peacefully boring for the entire month.

So you know.... YAY!

I do feel like I'm missing something, however, and I think today is a big part of what's been missing.  The new book, my Giant story, is kindof hanging over my head recently and I'm having a hard time focusing on it.  I'm reading oodles of other books, too, and I'm horrified at the thought that my own writing might be plagiarist-ically  informed by the magnificence of others.  You know?  So I'm trying to really slow myself down and focus - which as we all know is something that my little bowl of noodles does not want to do at all.

And that's when I start thinking about solutions.  I have so many great ideas, you know?  But I never share them.  I can't tell you how many little blog posts I DIDN'T write over the last month because I was either in the midst of something else, about to be in the midst of something else, or in the throes of 'Zero Inertia' to the degree that getting anything actually productive done became Moot.

My point is that I missed writing.  I missed emptying the contents of my head.  My head missed being emptied.  I have happy thoughts, angry thoughts, miserable thoughts and utterly nonsensical thoughts.  And they're all fighting for sunlight and I think that this blog has really become a way for me to sort of beat most of those little voices back into submission.  It helps me be more normal.

Well, normal enough.

So I'm going to try, real hard.  You know.... AGAIN....  to get back in here regularly and tell you more about the cat fur, the bugs, the timelords, the gods, the nail polish and the cherry pits.

I remember posting every day for a month not long ago and HOLY CRAP that took a lot out of me.  Perhaps I'll find a happy medium in here someplace.  Is a few times a week to much to ask of myself?  I don't know.  Let's find out, shall we?

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