Monday, February 18, 2013

Three Minute Fiction

Rules are here
I'm 8 days too late to enter but I wrote this just now anyway.
Let me know what you think?


Hey, so, yeah.  Checking in. 

Wanted to let you know that the date was a bust but thanks anyway.  He was really cute and nice and all but things got weird you know?  They always do, I keep telling you.  It’s almost like he knew what buttons to push somehow.  You didn’t tell him, right? 

I mean, he’s a scientist or whatever, that’s what you said, right?

And so then right when our salads came he started going into how the whole universe is full of things we can’t possibly explain and I’m sitting right there and he’s just going on and on about all the impossible things.  You know?

And I’m sitting there and I’m thinking “I’m one of those things that you can’t possibly explain.”  You know?  I’m an impossible thing.  And he’s looking right at me and he has no idea.

And I started to get kind of defensive I guess and he didn’t really take it too well when I suggested that maybe it’s just that people aren’t smart enough to get their heads wrapped around all this stuff yet but maybe in a few hundred years… you know?

So anyway he ordered lemon cake slices for dessert, thanks for giving him the heads up because it was delicious.  But he was already kind of in the “not going to work out” bucket by then.  He could tell I guess and then he started asking all these questions like “what was it about him” that girls didn’t like.

And what the hell do I know about what girls like?  I’m about the worst person in the world to ask about that, you know?  I’m frikkin’ three hundred years old and I have no idea.  But he kept going at it and I was so fed up with him that at that point I just told him that maybe if he stopped talking and let someone get a conversation in edgewise that he’d have better luck with women.  And he didn’t like that.  He went to the bathroom I figured to sneak out, but he came back. 

Can you believe it?  I wasn’t even putting the whammie on him and he came back.  He apologized and we left and he drove me home and it really seemed like I owed him another date but that ain’t going to happen. 

I mean, seriously.  He can’t even handle the fact that even some rudimentary physics stuff is still pretty inexplicable.  How the hell is he going to deal with me?  I mean, jeepers Lola, you can barely deal with me and you don’t even know the whole story.  Maybe it’s just too much to ask of someone, you know?

Like, ‘hi!  This is Karin, and I’m Tanja, and I’m an imaginary creature!  Thanks for coming to my Tupperware party.  Would you like some cocktail weenies or would you just like to keep making that face at me some more?’

Maybe it’s just too much to expect that I’m going to be normal.  You know?  Maybe I should stop trying. 

Anyway, thanks again for the set up… but really it’s just not a good idea to do this anymore.  The last thing we need is for me to get all hooked up on someone after all.  Likely as anything I’d just end up eating him when he cheated on me or something.

So listen, have a nice night.  Tell your brother I say hi and apologize to whats-his-name for me but I’m not interested in seeing him again.  Let’s go with “ever”. 

I’ll see you Monday. 



No comments: