Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Never Again

There are so many people, the vast majority I'd wager, for whom this kind of procedure is effectively pain free.

I am in the .0001% for whom it is most absolutely not.

It took 30 minutes. I kicked and holler'ed and shook and had little panic attack style seizures. I cried. I swore and said some very unpleasant things in Norwegian.

Now I'm sore, I hurt, everything hurts, and I feel like crap. On a stick.
A pointy one.

By Odin's beard, mark my words, if this has to be repeated I will be fully sedated or someone is going to get clawed into the blood-transfusion line.

I'm talking, of course, about the LEEP procedure. I'll leave you kids to look it up on your own. My specific deets include the glorious news that I'm HPV negative *huzzah* but still mysteriously manifesting CIS/CIN II and III and enough displasia to put me on the "holy crap let's address this right goddam now" list.

So we did.

And I went in for a "walk in the park" kind of procedure which for 9999 out of 10,000 women is seriously no big deal.

and then I got my guts dragged out over glass, stabbed, burned, sliced to smithereens and then unceremoniously shoved back in.

It hurts, gang. And the only little peg of happy that I can sprinkle on this is that any of the tissue that had been suspicious has been excised, electrocuted, or cauterized beyond recognition so I'm not SUPPOSED to have to do this again.

but as we all know, my minions, "should" and "is" are two different things.

I'm hanging in there, as it were.
Me and my ibuprofen bottle and my chocolate ice cream and my doting beloved husband with his ample supply of soup and applesauce.

I'm hanging. Universe take note - I only summoned the dark powers once during the whole thing and I deliberately left out the working bits so don't count that against me. I was, after all, being ravaged by a nailgun. Well, that's what it felt like. My courage never waivered, as a matter of fact, but my intense hatred of the situation was pretty... um... intense. Outshined only by the pain I was in. So, universe, I'm hanging in there.

I'd really like some good news now, too. Concerning the test results on the harvested tissue too. That'd be super duper.

'Cause that shit? That I am never doing again.

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