Friday, November 20, 2009

Conflicted Interests

So do you ever think back on the best people you've ever met, and like how the ones you just sorta' either lost touch with or got geographically separated from you just really want to reconnect with but doing that would maybe open up the floodgates to that otherwise really intensely emotional time, and you've like totally moved on since then but damn it would be nice to kindof get another chapter to the story even if it's the chapter near the end that nobody reads 'cause nothing really interesting happens?

I don't even know how to articulate this. Can ya tell? How is it possible that I'm still so attached to these characters from my past anyway? Like, how can these people still send me over the moon and back like this after so long? I mean, every single one of them is a miracle, in my book. No fooolin'. It's like if you're Neo, you know? and like, 30 years later you get an email from Morpheus asking if you can fly out to wherever and just hang out for a few days and catch up. How do you just "hang out" with someone who was so integral a part of the most singularly pivotal plot twists of your life? How do you reconnect? How do you apologize for going off the map and how do you get past the star-struck youth of it all to re-establish a new patois of amicable and peaceful friendship the way it's supposed to be?

Sometimes I think, just one hug. That's all I need. Ya know? But then it's like, no way, it's just not healthy to go back like that. Damn I wish I could be more clear.

Anyway, if you're reading this, you know who you are. I'd give anything to hang out with you again. But I'm not going to because I'm a chickenshit and about two thousand weak-as-hell excuses.

And Thank You.
So much.
For all of it.

1 comment:

Mountain Mama said...

You know hon, it's even weirder to think that some of the people who caused me the most angst back then are now charming and, dare I say it, friendly. Amazing what maturity does.

That said, once life slows down (say around 2022) we should get together. Or maybe before then.