Thursday, July 16, 2009


I know I know, I'm still owing a review of the last wedding we went to - a real one. I just can't bring myself to do it for the following reasons:
1) I don't want the big event of the year to be sealed up, packed away and over with.
2) I am not really in a rosy-posy disposition right now.

I am, in fact, in a heat-wilted and sleep deprived fog of a satin-black-funk. The weather this year hasn't even been that bad. It's rained nearly every day so far - and heavily - which has not only put the whole growing-things-world into overdrive but also succeeded in keeping temperatures tolerable over the course of the day. As long as the clouds break by night time, the night time temps were reasonably chilly and didn't interfere with anything.

Now though - it is humid. Oppresively so. I pull a soda can from the fridge and I am not even BARELY kidding when I say that within minutes it's DRIPPING with condensation. Little pools of condensed humidity bleed out from the saturated coaster by time the soda is half empty.

I am not used to this. I am not made for this. I do not like this.

At night, it's warm. Windows open all night and it barely gets below 68 degrees. In the dark, and the warm, and the humidity, it's like sleeping in someone's mouth. And I find it just as relaxing. Every morning I wake up sore and swollen from another night of tossing fitfully next to captain BTU who, in spite of sweating like a soda-can, still manages to sleep like a corpse.

In the day I'm fuzzy, depressed, distracted, unpredictably angry and less predictably fatalistic. My head feels filled with EMO kids on summer break and my heart is an angry, ferile cat. I should be wallowing in the summery summer-ness of summer and all I can do is try to focus on breathing in and not screaming as I breathe back out again.

Yes, I am quite glad that I don't live in Arizona, or Texas, or New Jersey thank you. No I don't want to hear how bad it is someplace else and how I should just be happy and enjoy my blessings and crap. No - I really don't. I know how lucky I am, oh yes I do. I also know how tired I am. I know how my sap is running so thin right now I could bite clean through my steering wheel and just not even notice for another three months. So just shut it with the "smile" crap already.

I do, also, realize that I'll snap out of this blasted funk any day now. I'll be able to read fine print again and captain BTU won't have to hide the cutlery anymore.

Still though - for now, right exactly now, in the middle of this white-noise tarpit of summer... I have just about had it. Had. It. with everything. EVERYTHING.

And oh look - it's not even August.

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